During lockdown 2020 my wife and I fell pregnant with our second child. 9 months later after a very scary pregnancy filled with complications and unknowns our son Archie was born on the 12th January; my birthday.
My son Archie was born with an extremely rare lung complication (Alveolar capillary dysplasia), of which there has only ever been 200 people in medical history with the same disease. Just 5 days later, myself as a father and my wife, Melanie had to go through something that no parent ever should, losing a child.
Walking out of that hospital room without my son, is the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. And second was telling our 2.5yr old daughter that her baby brother wasn’t coming home. Our daughter Mila became our sole reason to get out of bed each morning. Despite the pain and heartbreak, we had to keep going, for her.
When Archie died, I was so angry that it had happened. I struggled to talk about it with anyone but my wife. The hospital gave us a bereavement midwife, but I didn’t want anything to do with it; what was the point? They didn’t truly underdstand. I didn’t want to hear their textbook bereavemnt counselling answers. I was too angry and shut down. After 6 months I eventually spoke to them, it helped a little, but deep down I felt that there was nobody I could talk to who truly knew how I was feeling and what I was going through mentally.
I wanted to try and put my energy into something physical and worthwhile, so began fundraising for the baby intensive care unit that looked after Archie. Whilst researching The National 3 Peaks Challenge, I found Strongmen. It instantly clicked in my head that I needed to get in touch with them. Meeting and talking to new people is so out of my comfort zone (hence the written story not the video) that I initially put off contacting Strongmen, but with a push from my wife I signed up for the next weekender event.
Getting in touch with Strongmen was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Meeting Efrem and talking to the other men who actually understood how I felt and what I was going through, was like a huge weight had lifted off my chest. There wasn’t any pressure to talk or tell anyone why you were there. If you wanted to you could, and that’s the strange beauty of it. It’s a brotherhood of quiet, mutual understanding of grief, hurt and pain. A brotherhood that nobody ever wants to end up in, but if you find yourself needing them, then it’s the most amazing brotherhood you could ever be a part of.
I still struggle now, especially on Archie’s Birthday. But I know that I have my brothers there, whatever time of the day or night. I know I can message or call them to talk, or just to vent how I’m feeling.
I can’t thank Efrem, Tiffany and the rest of the amazing StrongMen team enough for what they do. And I can’t wait to help the Charity to grow and help more men like me - Starting in October with Kilimanjaro.
