My name is Stu and in October of 2017 I lost my wife to breast cancer. It was quite sudden and from us officially finding out she had stage four metastatic breast cancer to her passing was just over two weeks.
Our daughter was only ten at the time and the conflicting emotions of losing my best friend whilst at the same time trying to be strong for our daughter was really difficult.
Nothing prepares you for the loss and you also think it happens to other people when the reality is very different.
I think I went through the motions for the first couple of years, running on autopilot and just surviving. I was fortunate to have a good support network of friends and families and did access support through a charity for widows and widowers. Whilst that charity was great, it was evident that most of the other people using the charity were women as statistically its usually them left behind. That’s not meant as a criticism at all but men’s grief can be similar but it can also be very different.
I think it was around lockdown that I came across a post on instagram for StrongMen and it instantly clicked. Whilst Covid restrictions etc meant I didn’t attend a weekender until 2022 it was worth the wait.
I was incredibly apprehensive about attending that weekender in Snowdon. A combination of social anxiety following my wife’s passing and the new fear of being around people post Covid restrictions almost had me turning back on the four hour drive to our campsite. I needn’t have worried. The welcome on arrival from Efrem, Danny, Sharon et al immediately put me at ease. Meeting others also settled the nerves and the process of setting up camp and helping others put up their tents - that scout camping badge from 1989 finally came in handy - was a great icebreaker.
I found just being around others who have experienced loss was liberating. No judgement, away from the hustle and bustle of life and just having time to exist in a shared space and experience. I spoke to others who had lost their wives but others who had lost children, other family members and friends and it was shared loss and often very similar emotions that formed a unique bond.
Sharing the physical challenge of climbing Yr Wyddfa and then the bonkers zip world over a quarry was a great way of getting to know others - some really deep and meaningful conversations about a whole variety of subjects that I otherwise may have found too difficult to have. Loss, grief, guilt - nothing was really off limits and I’m convinced StrongMen and the Weekender (and later the Academy) were key to me having these conversations.
StrongMen has been a huge part of my healing process; being able to recognise my loss, deal with my survivors guilt and move forward with my life.
Out of adversity, where my family went from three to two, new beginnings and second chances has taken our new “nuclear” family to four. From a place where I never thought I’d be happy again to getting married recently, thank you to all at StrongMen for being part of my journey.
